


Dear Diary

by Texan_Red_Rose



Category: RWBY
Genre: Diary/Journal, F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 21:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13797117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Texan_Red_Rose/pseuds/Texan_Red_Rose
Summary: Useless Lesbian(tm) Observes Other Useless Lesbians(tm)- featuring Blake Belladonna, who is only slightly less useless but still too much of a gay mess to make use of that, and Ruby Rose, who is tempted to disown all of them for being this ridiculous.





	1. June

**Author's Note:**

> This is as close to slow burn as I'll probably get. Plus a secret ship that I'll not be tagging until it's revealed... although I might forget to tag it even then... anyway! Story!

_June 1st- Dear Diary,  
I know I said I outgrew you years ago, but I find myself in the unique position of being surrounded by idiots. Moreso than usual, at any rate. Yang- that brute from the boxing team- has become a dear enough friend to me since graduation that I decided to invite her to my birthday party earlier this year. Her sister, Ruby, has truly been the best friend I could've hoped for- barring a few… unfortunate incidents… that we swore to never speak of again- and I'd thought she'd come along as a plus one anyway, but the personal invitation seemed to be the better route and while I wasn't disappointed by including her, it's quickly devolved into a constant source of frustration for me. At the party, she met Winter, and they are quite_ _possibly the gayest, most oblivious twits on the face of Remnant. I am positively suffering, Diary. I can only stand them dancing around each other for so long! Not to say they wouldn't make a cute couple- Winter somehow appreciates Yang's terrible sense of humor and Yang's always been the supportive sort, and she doesn't seem the least bit put off by Penny, something I can only take as a good sign- but I'm caught in the precarious situation of full well_ knowing _they could be together but not being able to convey that effectively. Yang's too hardheaded to do anything other than what she wants to, when she wants to, and Winter possesses the same aversion to 'good natured advice' as I do, so I'm forced to be subtle. Yet, the hints I've already tried dropping to both of them may as well have been given to a brick wall and a statue, respectively. I don't think they're intentionally being obtuse but I'm forced to wonder how metaphorically blind someone must be to miss the signs of attraction between them. How long until they drive me insane? Or until the sexual tension suffocates the rest of us? I'll let you know, Diary._

_p.s. I suppose I should mention this, if only to try to work it out for myself. For the past few months, I've been discussing the whole ridiculous issue with Blake. I know Ruby would rather not be privy to her sister's romantic pursuits, even if she did make it known that she holds the same opinion as I do regarding a potential relationship between our sisters, so my options have been limited when it comes to frank, open discussion. But I've noticed she's acting a bit… odd, recently. I mentioned that, were I Winter, I would absolutely consider Yang's 'friendly gift' of a hand-picked flower bouquet- regardless of the excuse- a romantic overture. The next day, Blake showed me a collection of flowers she'd picked when Yang went and let me have them- a beautiful collection, I might add; she certainly has a tasteful eye for compositions. When I reminded her of my words the day before, she just… turned around and walked away. Quickly. I'm not quite sure what to make of it._

* * *

_June 4th- Dear Diary,  
I decided to be proactive. If Yang and Winter deign to continue dancing around each other, than I'll simply have to coax the two of them together myself, now won't I? Unfortunately, it's easier said than done._

_I thought it would be easiest to give them a comfortable, casual setting, so I cajoled Ruby and Blake into helping me organize a dinner of the sort Ruby and Yang recalled from their childhoods- a bar-bee-queue, though I'm not sure if that's the proper spelling. While the food itself was delicious, the mingling portion attracted a few more people than I anticipated. First Jaune showed up, which I probably should've anticipated seeing as he remained close friends with Ruby, and he'd brought Pyrrha along. On its own, innocent enough, but I should've expected Yang's penchant for showboating to turn a game of horseshoes into a competition and that Pyrrha would be too polite to decline, and one should never introduce a Schnee to something competitive and expect things_ not _to escalate. Although I'll admit it's the most I've seen Winter smile in a long while- perhaps since she finalized Penny's adoption- things quickly got out of hand when Nora and Ren showed up, mainly because of the former and not the latter. Long story made short: there were firecrackers involved, a debate on the proper ratios of gunpowder, the fire department eventually showed up, and we are never letting Ruby 'prove a point' in such a fashion again. Thankfully, Winter's extensive research into first aid ended up being quite useful, though I still believe she's being a touch paranoid in regards to Penny. She babies the young woman so very much- and much to the contrary of what's been implied by others, I'm_ not, _in the slightest bit, jealous that Penny's being treated with kid gloves while Winter gave me more of a 'tough love' treatment; our situations are entirely different and we've come to terms with the difficulties of our pasts, and I honestly wouldn't trade the bond we have now as sisters for anything in the world- but I suppose it does have its merits. And watching Yang's absolutely lovestruck expression while Winter tended to everyone's wounds, that dopey grin that makes her look like she's just waking up after a surgery… I'll admit, I'd rather like for someone to look at me like that. Not in public, perhaps, because she probably_ should _have paid more attention to the firefighter asking her questions, but I'm quite certain Yang would worship Winter if given the chance, and I am trying very hard to ignore the double entendre, dust damnit, I've been hanging out with that buffoon too long._

What I mean is _, I know Yang would be good for Winter, and Winter's come so very far in showing open affection since she became Penny's guardian. I just don't know how to make them see that. It was positively comical watching them amid the chaos- every time Yang would be wearing that dopey grin, Winter would be entirely focused on the task at hand, while whenever Winter anxiously looked her way, Yang would be trying to cheer up Pyrrha or Jaune- which reminds me, I should check in with them, they seemed a bit shaken up after the explosion- or joking with the firefighters, and watching the relief and softness that came to her expression…_

 _For all our difficulties in the past, I love my sister deeply, and I am resolute in helping her get together with Yang. I truly believe they could be the exact sort of supportive partner the other needs. Now, if they'd only stop being_ oblivious idiots _and assist me, that'd be swell._

_Also… well, I didn't get a chance to mention this during the party itself due to all the excitement but… Blake wore this stunning summer dress and earrings in both sets of ears and I am once again awestruck by both her inherent beauty and her knack for bringing it out in such a subtle way. If I hadn't been so focused on watching Yang and Winter, I'd probably have found it difficult to look away from her. If there is a bright side to this whole mess, it's that I'm getting to spend more time with Blake. I'm rather peeved at myself for not doing so before; she'd absolutely delightful company- witty and reserved but passionate and dedicated. I think I should invite her to the mall the next time I go; I'd love to have her opinion on a dress for the gala in a few months._

_And hasn't that given me an idea._

* * *

_June 13th- Dear Diary,  
So far, my attempts to convince Winter to ask Yang to the gala have been met with reactions varying from stammered excuses to outright refusals. Apparently, Winter's of the mind that Yang would absolutely detest such a stuffy affair, and while I don't think she's wrong, I also know that Yang is a woman of many skills, and blending in when she wants to happens to be one of them. However, all my efforts on that front have been met with limited success, so I'm forced to try cajoling Yang into giving her opinion on the matter without being quite so obvious in setting her up to do so. Thankfully, Blake's been a true friend and brought it up during our game session the other night. Oh, she tried avoiding the question at first, but very quickly, Yang stopped dancing around and said that she'd always wanted to go to a 'fancy party' but lacked the funds for an appropriately stylish gown. She expressed a sincere concern that her concept of 'fancy' and the standard fare for the gala were worlds apart but, other than that, seemed rather interested in attending- which is more than I can say for either of us who _ are _invited._

 _Well, if there's_ one _thing the past few years have taught me, it's that good friends can't be bought, but money can make the lives of good friends much better. Naturally, when Winter brought up going shopping this weekend for our outfits, I invited along Yang and Blake as well. The four of us doing a little bonding and shopping, what could go wrong? Winter perhaps saw through my attempt at feigning nonchalance with the suggestion, but agreed all the same. Even if she won't admit it, I think my suggestion is taking root._

_I will keep you updated, Diary. Right now, I think it's the only thing preserving my senses. Oh, and I'm rather looking forward to what sort of attire Blake might opt to wear. I floated the idea that I can't possibly keep tabs on both Winter and Yang throughout the night alone and asked if she would mind accompanying me. She responded to the idea positively, and I'm glad Yang as such a stalwart friend to look out for her. Maidens know she needs a few, with the way she carries on. I think I might start keeping a closer eye on her; with a friend like Yang, she's bound to need someone to lean on herself from time to time, and while I have no doubts as to Yang's abilities to look out for her best friend, I'm sure Blake could always use a little extra support. And, really, she deserves it. Our outing to the mall turned out rather nice; perhaps she'd like to join me for a run through the park one of these mornings? I realize she's not as interested in maintaining the rigorous fitness regimen she'd kept while a member of the track and field team, but a little job in the morning isn't too much, right? Considering her figure, I'm sure she's still athletic enough for it.  
_

_I feel like I should at least make the offer and hope for the best._

* * *

_June 17th- Dear Diary,_  
_On the one hand, success. It took only one look at Yang in a beautiful white gown that accentuated her figure while remaining modest- so much like the one she wore to the Spring Formal during our Sophomore year at college- and Winter could hardly form words. I've never seen my sister so gobsmacked in twenty two years of being on this planet. Some part of me is absolutely ecstatic; when I suggested Yang attend the gala with Winter, no one objected. Winter just nodded, as if the power of speech eluded her completely, and I'd be willing to wager Yang had a similar reaction to Winter's choice of a white tuxedo with blue accents, even if I personally find it a bit… cliche, at least when it comes to Winter. She never did take a liking to dresses, for some reason. Anyway, Yang's eyes positively lit up, but she retained the power of speech rather effortlessly. She's always been the resilient one, bouncing back from even the hardest hit._

_On the other hand, I… believe I may have miscalculated on something. Blake looked absolutely gorgeous in her selected gown- purples and blacks that made her amber eyes pop out like freshly polished gemstones- but she seemed almost shy when I said as much. I'm concerned; being around Blake is so easy, effortless even- it's not like Ruby's high energy or Yang's sustained exposure, or even Winter's strong insistence or Penny's genuinely clueless demeanor. I'm not sure if her sudden shift to being more distant is a sign that my company is unwanted- the very thought puts a pain in my chest, to be frank- or if there's something else. Perhaps she's self conscious? It was just a few years ago when we were… less than cordial with each other, and now she'll be hopefully attending the gala with me to help get Winter and Yang together. It might put her in an awkward position.  
_

_I'll simply have to ensure there's no lingering discomfort._

* * *

6 - 20

Okay. So, like, I haven't done this in a while- like, a LONG time- but I remember it used to help me figure things out when I was younger, kinda like a to-do list for processing the things I could barely understand after Mom died. I think some therapist suggested it to me, I dunno- not the point.

What IS the point? Straight up: I am falling faster than a sky diving elephant with a tungsten parachute and I have no clue what to do.

I guess I could go back to the beginning, just real quick, because maybe mapping it out will show me what to do next, like, as if I could just draw out a time line and figure out when would be a good time to make the next move- provided I even COULD to begin with, because I've been a mess recently, lemme tell ya.

Anyway, so this chick, Weiss- great gal, a bit uppity at the start but that's mostly passed, a real sweetheart once you get past the frosty exterior- invited Rubes and me over to her birthday party. I figured no big, bring a gift, eat some cake, try not to get kicked out, the usual when it comes to dealing with people who've yet to embrace the sacred art of The Pun.

Well, there I was, minding my own business, when I turn and come face-to-face with Weiss' sister, Winter. She's mentioned her before- taller, more severe, more exacting, the product of too high expectations and military training pushing her to the limits and her somehow not breaking but coming out jagged and jaded, all in all a rough sounding customer- but this is the NEW and IMPROVED Winter, after they'd reconciled and started fresh, and I'm just. I'm still not over it. I've almost steamrolled people before on accident- that's what happens when 'each muscle group has its own zip code' as Blakey puts it- but I bumped into her and almost stumbled myself! Apparently, she's been keeping up with the military physical regimen now that she's out. So of course, my next thought is 'this chick's gonna deck me' and I swear I saw it flash in her eyes, but then she just smiles that little Schnee smile, and apologizes- can you believe that! Straight up said the word 'sorry' like it was nothing! Geez, hard enough to get Weiss to say that, must run in the family (though, I should give the little frosty some credit, she's gotten A LOT better since she started hanging out with us).

Well, anyway, I figure I should be polite, yeah? So, we start talking, and she mentions her daughter- she said 'ward' is a better term, but after I asked her if that meant she was secretly Batman, she laughed and agreed the word sounded a bit ridiculous out loud.

And, yeah, her laugh? It sound S. I swear, it's like she's so unused to actually LAUGHING that she hasn't figured out how it's supposed to sound. Ah, that probably sounds mean, but it's not really a bad thing! Listening to how her laugh changed, became more natural as I kept telling jokes- honestly, I'm digging it!

So, anyway, I mention how I basically raised Ruby, and the convo started gettin… kinda heavy I guess? We started talking about regrets and stuff- things we wish we'd done differently, how proud we are that our sisters turned out so good after the hell they were put through. I get the feeling Winter blames herself for a lot of it and well… yeah, I can see that, but I can also see she's trying to do better with Penny. Gave her some tips, told her to not lose faith in herself.

Look, I know it's not much, but when she looked me dead in the eye and said she appreciated my advice, that it sounded smart and heartfelt? It got me. It's been a while since someone didn't take a look at either the muscles or the hair and assume I've got less between my ears than there is water in a Vacuon desert. Hell, even BLAKE gave me shit when I tried giving her advice, and she's my best friend!

Anyway, that's all a few months ago, and between then and now, I think I've gotten a pretty good read on Winter. She's still trying to figure out how to be supportive without being abrasive and while she's not super crazy about being called out on it, I think I've figured out how to do it without ticking her off. It's worked a few times, anyway, and it made me feel good that I could help her out, like a friend would.

But, ya know, I'm also thinkin… maybe we could be more than friends? She's smart, she's strong, she's dedicated almost to the point of being self destructive, and while she's got some rougher areas, she's genuinely trying to be a better person- for Weiss' sake and Penny's. I noticed she's hugging both of them more than she used to, anyway, but that also might have something to do with a… kinda… near death experience that I had no part in whatsoever, nope, I did NOT start that. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Maybe it's just my ego getting into it a bit but… I dunno. I mean, part of any relationship is growing together, while also growing as individuals, and everyone I've been with in the past romantically I've left in the dust. With Winter it's like… yeah, she's ahead of me in some ways, but way behind in others- she does know her way around an engine, though, lemme tell ya- and it's a nice change. Because there's things I can teach her and there's things she's teaching me, like how changing my posture helps improve my mood and stuff. She says half the work is mental but I dunno, I think she's onto something.

Geez, now I'm even more confused. I mean, she laughs at my jokes, like REALLY laughs, and she doesn't act like I've got some sort of reputation to live up to or stereotype to abide. I can just be ME and she seems to really like ME. But she doesn't sugar coat ANYTHING; she definitely isn't the type to beat around the bush. I've gotten so used to people just avoiding the bad spots in my past- I mention my bio mom abandoned me as a baby, and they stop mentioning moms altogether, even though I had a GREAT mom for a long time! It's just little stuff like that- but Winter's not the type of person to avoid the parts that hurt. When I started going off at the BBQ about finally getting a hint about Raven, she listened and encouraged me- cautioned me, too, because it's been over twenty years and I get it, it's not like I'm expecting a happy ending- but ya know. I can't even get Dad to talk about her, and Ruby never knew her, and Qrow's too drunk to speak any language more than half the time so… having someone to just talk to about the things that bother me who isn't going to try and turn it around or something… it meant a lot.

But also, like… have I mentioned she's drop dead gorgeous? Because she is. For whatever reason, Weiss invited me and Blakey on a shopping trip, looking at fancy dresses for this big party they have coming up, and I thought, ya know. I look good, I know it, so might as well try and hedge my bets, yeah? Picked out a nice dress- that I wouldn't be able to afford if it wasn't for Weiss spotting me the money, gotta figure out how to pay her back, I'd almost forgotten that part- and, yeah, I rocked it.

But Winter. Holy- there's no words. I never really thought about it before but I have a weakness to women in suits, I've suddenly discovered, because my knees went WEAK. Like.

Yeah, so writing this out isn't doing me ANY good, obviously, because I can't even figure out HOW TO WORD right now just remembering it. I just.

Winter ticks a lot of boxes for me. Blake says that's an awful way to put it, like people are just a series of traits that can be easily put in boxes rather than a complex series of emotions and tendencies, but there's no better way to put it! She's not perfect by any means but I'm starting to see the woman beneath the rough exterior- it's just like how Weiss took some time to open up and not be a total brat.

And I really wanna be there to see it, up close.

I dunno. It's probably me getting ahead of myself- wouldn't be the first time- and I should cool my jets. From what Weiss has said, she's still adjusting to life outside the military and they're both getting used to freedom away from their family. Maybe I'm just excited- I love meeting new people, and Winter's definitely a character in her own right, and Penny's absolutely adorable, I think she hit it off with Ruby and they're, like, best friends now.

I guess I'll see where things go. I mean. I like her, but it's only been a few months, so maybe this crush is entirely superficial and it'll die out.

Oh, but I am going to the fancy party with her! I guess bringing someone along is a pretty big deal and it'd be a shame not to wear this dress somewhere. Probably won't ever have a chance again.

Not sure I can curtsy in those heels, though. I think I'll practice that and just get through the party, then worry about the rest. Think I'll go pick some wildflowers for her again; she really seemed to like that.

Maybe there's some merit to this 'writing shit down' thing after all.

* * *

20170623

_Some part of me vehemently disagrees with the notion of recording my thoughts and feelings anywhere they might be found but I find myself at an impasse. Traditionally, if I encountered a problem, I would construct a sand table with whatever materials were available to me and work things out from there, but this isn't the sort of problem that can be flanked or out maneuvered. I can at least take comfort in knowing that Penny won't stumble onto this, so long as I keep it in my desk._

_It's been just over a year since I left the military service. Reintegration to civilian life has been… bumpy to say the least but progress is being made. I have a decent job, I have means of transport, and I make enough to support myself and Penny comfortably. By all accounts, I'm doing rather well and even James agrees. I certainly wouldn't be this stable had I remained in the rotation, so leaving has proven to be the best solution to fit my needs._

_However, I know there's a long way to go in many respects. Weiss and I have begun repairing our relationship but I feel like there's much more work to be done, especially after seeing the way she puts a mask on when Penny's around. It hurts, knowing that my past transgressions will likely forever haunt me, but I can do little to change the past. Recent months have been better- Weiss has taken rather well to being called 'Aunt' and I think she's just as ecstatic as I am regarding Penny's development. She's improved by leaps and bounds in several areas, such as conversation and picking up on social cues. How she survived for so long cut off from civilization is a mystery we may never be able to solve but I'm glad she has a home now. It's given me a clear goal to focus on and has made the transition smoother._

_Of course, trying to forge this new family dynamic isn't the only source of… mixed results in my life post separation. Sometimes, I feel far too young to be raising a nineteen year old while simultaneously being too old to date casually. At twenty six, I realize I should probably be looking for a long term partner; the chance to 'party' and 'sow my oats' never interested me, so I let it pass me by. Unfortunately, this has left me rather… unprepared for finding long term companionship.  
_

_Upon reflection, perhaps the fact I'm calling it 'long term companionship' is a sign I might be… skirting the issue._

_I want a girlfriend. There. That's as direct as I can be.  
_

_I sound like a child._

_It never came up while I served. It would be impractical to maintain a long term commitment with someone I'd hardly see. Dating within the ranks never worked out well for anyone- with the few exceptions, but even they had their tribulations to overcome. Any dates I went on prior to my tenure were borne of social obligation and nothing I, personally, wanted to do._

_So the question becomes… where do I begin?_

_I'm tempted to default to what I know- it's a goal to strive towards, which means it fits the definition of a mission, and I know how to accomplish those- but Yang's encouraged me to step away from that mindset. The advice is sound but actually applying it… I'm not so sure._

_Yang's probably the only reason I'm entertaining any of this, truly. A friend of Weiss' from university- we met earlier this year and she's… been on my mind more and more as time wears on, truth be told. Lurking behind a brash personality is a very tender soul and I find myself drawn to how effortlessly she pours compliments and support to those she cares about, how quick she is to help even strangers, and how she's a constant source of joy- even of the exasperated sort, though I can tell Weiss is more fond of her antics than she lets on- but I also see something beneath that. She acts unafraid yet there is fear; she acts strong enough to take on the world yet there is weakness; she puts on a mask but it's for the benefit of others and not to protect herself. She gives gifts freely- she gives so much freely. It's something I greatly admire.  
_

_Weiss has tried encouraging me recently to… get to know Yang better by inviting her to the upcoming gala. While the idea itself sounds amusing I'd hate to burden Yang with the dull pageantry of 'high society'- a clever way of describing those with their heads buried up their ass._

_Penny, if by some chance you find this, never repeat that last word. Never repeat any of this, in fact, and come find me right away. You know you aren't supposed to go through my desk.  
_

_At any rate, Yang agreed to go, for no better reason than to show off her beautiful gown, and I must say, I never put much stock in fictional descriptions of love interests before. The way authors like to wax poetic about a prospective match for the protagonist- I found them laughable._

_But I would be lying if I said I didn't lose my breath when I saw her._

_I find myself at a loss. Yang seems like the sort of person to have her choice of partner; all she has to do is look. Yet, she's single, so there must be a reason. I'm not sure if I'm considered a close enough friend to inquire but she seemed rather insistent about not having a girlfriend or a boyfriend during the… barb EQ?_ _I'm admittedly unsure how that's spelled but whatever that gathering was… it brought to light a few things about Yang that make me at once more sure I would rather like getting to know her in a romantic sense and even more hesitant. She speaks of traveling to find her mother but I have a duty to stay here and help Penny through school; Ruby's been a blessing in many ways and it's good to see Penny with a friend her own age but, still. I think it would be good for Yang to get that closure but I'd be worried about her going alone._

_I'm getting ahead of myself. I probably shouldn't be acting as if a relationship is even viable without talking to Yang first, and doing that presents a number of issues itself.  
_

_My wrist is beginning to cramp and I've come no closer to figuring out where I stand. I like Yang and I enjoy her company but I'm not sure if things between us will or even can develop nor how to go about nudging them along._

_I am, still, at an impasse._

* * *

June 30, 2017

I guess part of the appeal when it comes to blogging is the anonymity inherent in the design. Yet, it's a double edged blade, because it wouldn't take someone who knows me exceptionally well to put two and two together. Still, enough of you lovely readers seem invested in the real life soap opera that my personal life is turning into to warrant an explanation for my sporadic shouts into the void, so… here it is. More under the cut.

I mentioned how I've been getting closer to Princess these last few months. If you're just tuning in to the drama, she's the one I mentioned in my author's note for _Ninjas of Love: My Katana_ and how we'd… well, not started off great, but had significantly improved our relationship by the time I graduated. An enemies to friends sort of arrangement. Recently, it's become… more than that. I knew she had her hang-ups and her issues- don't we all?- but now it's almost like she's a completely different person- or rather, she's finally the person she's always wanted to be. She's not being held back by outdated ideals and terrible misunderstandings of the world…

… but she's a _meddler_.

You think I'm kidding but I'm not; she meddles. Her heart's in the right place but there's only so much that can be done about some things. You can lead a horse to water but you can't force the horse to drink, as the saying goes, but she possesses the sort of will to make me sincerely doubt that age old wisdom.

Anyway, the whole issue is with Princess' sister- hmmm, I'll call her… Ice, I guess- and Dragon, my roommate from college. (Actually, we're switching pseudonyms. Dragon is Fire now, for thematic appropriateness.) Princess is _convinced_ that Ice and Fire would make a cute couple and, honestly, I agree. They've got the sort of dynamic that compliments the other's faults really well- one's an ex-military hardass trying to be less of a bitch and the other's a grown-up-too-fast mom friend with a mischievous side who won't let others take care of her- and they've got that aesthetic appeal, too. One's tall and lean muscle, subtle and stern, while the other's shorter and built like a tank, all vibrant smiles. So, yes, I admit, this is one of those times when Fire and Ice go rather well together.

However. There are limits in what I'm willing to do for friends.

It started at Princess' birthday when these two dolts- her terminology, though I can't fault its application in this particular situation- met and hit it off, apparently. I was… distracted at the time, a bit too anxious about whether or not she'd like my gift (she did) but _she_ noticed. Ever since, it's nearly all she can talk about.

Which… okay, I get it. Princess and Ice might be sisters, but they had a pretty rocky relationship growing up. It's not my place to unpack someone else's baggage, but we've talked about it before. I know they're trying to make amends and be better going forward, and they're doing a pretty good job on most fronts. Princess just wants to see her sister happy.

But it feels like, recently… she's kinda oblivious to everything else around her because of it? She gets that way sometimes- so focused on a certain task that the rest of the world falls away and I… absolutely _love_ it. I really didn't realize it until last month, but being the one she talks to about the whole thing… if she wasn't so _utterly oblivious_ when she gets like this, I'm pretty sure she would've caught me staring at her like a lovestruck fool. Which, while it sounds _great_ in fiction and is something I tend to use… real life isn't as forgiving. There's no summary and "angst with a happy ending" tagged on it; it's a gamble. Considering we've just reached a point where we're on pretty good terms, I'm hesitant to put that in jeopardy already for the sake of sating my curiosity.

I thought maybe creating a little distance would help. It would _suck_ but it might help me figure out if I'm just seeing things; a few attractive traits don't necessarily make for a good relationship.

Of course, that didn't… _quite_ pan out like I'd hoped. I mean, I can't cut contact entirely- both because it's completely uncalled for and because I don't want to- so we've still talked and seen each other since. I went to a barbecue where Princess tried yet again to get Ice and Fire on the same page- failed in that respect but, on the upside, I now know who to _never_ trust around holidays with small children- and she's… just something else. She shouldn't look so pretty in summer- she's more of a colder seasons person if ever there was one- but she wore a tank top that showed off her collarbone and shoulders and I might be _much_ thirstier than I previously thought because I'm definitely blushing just thinking about it.

And it's not like I haven't _tried_ hinting at us getting together. I tried giving her a bouquet of flowers (something she _told me_ she would take as a romantic gesture!) and all I got was confusion in response. Not… negative, entirely, though I didn't stick around to find out _too_ much how that reaction went, but it wasn't met with a smile and a kiss and a 'yes, I'd love to go out with you', so not exactly encouraging.

But somehow (and I swear, I'm still trying to connect the dots on _how_ ) I'm going to be her date for a party. Not "date" as in "person I am actively seeing", though, more like "accomplice" because I'm pretty sure she only invited me to help her spy on Ice and Fire, who will also be going.

I just… I want to support her. She's been there for me in ways I never would've expected. I feel like we've grown- both as people and closer to each other- since those… well, admittedly terrible first impressions we had of each other. And while I want to know how things can continue to develop, I worry about losing such a good friend.

On top of that, I'm dealing with Fire talking my ear off about Ice. They might be sisters but Ice and Princess are two _very_ different women, yet they share just enough in common that listening to Fire gush… I keep wanting to agree or disagree, but I'm keeping my mouth shut for now, and it hurts not to talk to my best friend about this, but she's… well. She's over the moon for Ice- she tries to play it off like it's just a crush, but it's clearly not- and I don't want to detract from that. Fire's the sort that, if I told her I have a crush, too, she'll completely drop everything to help me get together with Princess. I love her like a sister, but sometimes it's hard to get her to focus on her own problems instead of everyone else's.

So, yeah, I'm kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place, and while that's a situation I've written as being rather nice in certain circumstances, living it is hell and I want off this ride, pronto.

I'm probably going to be sporadic the next few weeks until this party. I don't know _why_ but something in my brain keeps saying 'learn to dance! Fancy dance! Then ask _her_ to dance!' and it's not being cooperative on why that's an obviously dumb idea.

On the upside, Fire (somehow?) knows ballroom dancing, so we're going to practice. Maybe one of us can get a happy ending in this mess.


	2. July

_July 4th- Dear Diary,  
Father called today. He tried weaseling around the terms of our agreement but I held firm. I know quite well that he doesn’t approve of the fact I’m attending the gala with a date he hasn’t personally vetted but he doesn’t get to have a say in who I include in my life anymore. In the back of my mind, I’m also highly aware he would object to everything about Blake, strictly for his own poor opinions and not because Blake is anything but a stellar individual and a sweet, heartfelt soul. Ultimately, it was foolish of me to talk her into attending the gala without first ensuring she understood the… full situation. The world I knew growing up was so enclosed that the realities of the world at large have yet to truly trickle in, old grudges and outdated views holding firm when they have no good reasons to cling to them except out of vain pride. I’ve made mention of severing ties with Father, but I never told anyone aside from Winter the details. Blake and I are supposed to go for a jog tomorrow morning; I will address it then. I tried calling her but the words caught in my throat and I…_

_I realize- not for the first time- that Blake is a better friend than I truly deserve. She picked up on my sour mood and turned the conversation away from my family and the gala entirely, pulled me into a discussion about a show I’ve never even heard of but now am interested in seeing. She’s made a claim that I can’t possibly see working in even the most abstract fictional sense and started discourse over the whole debacle, so now I feel compelled to witness for myself to see if my mind changes._ _We’re having a little watch party at her place on Friday- provided our conversation tomorrow goes well, I suppose- and the reprieve was nice. But I can’t help feeling like going to the gala- although an event I am required to attend- is a huge mistake._

_Winter understands- perhaps better than Blake or Ruby ever could. She’s been separated from that world for longer but she knows what’s to come. Everyone will ask about her service, about why it ended, and she won’t lie- we’ve spent far too much of our lives lying to everyone and ourselves. She’ll square her shoulders and tell nothing but the truth with clear pride and from that moment on, everything will be different. From the moment Penny’s brought up, Winter will go from respectable former service member to an irresponsible single mother in their eyes- because staying in a loveless marriage where both of you cheat on the other like most people drink water is somehow the morally righteous avenue in comparison, or at least according to those blasted hypocrites. And that she’s adopted? The circumstances around that adoption? Perish the thought of caring for another person out of something other than blood compelled obligation or financial opportunity. It makes my blood boil._

_Even as I’m writing this, Blake’s checking up on me via text. Ruby, too, though she seems busier nowadays. I know she’s been spending more time with Penny and I’m glad my niece- which… I suppose I haven’t been thinking of her as such until recently, but that_ is _the proper familial relation- is becoming friends with my best friend. It’s… strange, in a way, because even though it’s only Winter and I now as blood relatives… I feel as if I have a bigger, more supportive family now than at any other point in my life._

_I know I started this diary with the express intention of chronicling my exasperation with Winter and Yang but… it does feel nice to write the words ‘I feel very loved right now’ in my own handwriting and know that I fully mean them.  
_

_And now Yang’s texting me. I guess Blake enlisted everyone’s assistance to cheer me up. I wonder what her response would be if I jokingly referred to her as my future sister-in-law. Jokes of that nature are typically her domain but… well, maybe it takes speaking in a language she understands to get her to notice Winter’s advances._

_Regardless, it’s just occurred to me that I do have quite an extensive support network and I should set up contingencies. In the event Blake still wants to attend the gala with me, I should have a back-up plan; I think I’ll reach out to Pyrrha, see if she’s free that evening and could stay in the area if a hasty exit is required. Winter and I may be mandated to remain at the event but, if either Blake or Yang begin feeling uncomfortable- I don’t see the latter missing out on anything falling within the classical definition of a ‘party’ but Winter seems adamant- they can leave at any time they wish._

_I already envy them that freedom._

* * *

_July 5th- Dear Diary,  
Again, I find myself a bit amazed. Blake possesses a very intricate understanding of the worst case scenario and she seemed rather _ _blasé_   _about the whole thing. I don’t believe for a second she’s that confident in facing those stuffy morons at the gala- I can see in her eyes how she wants to balk and run- but she’s going to try and I’ll always admire her courage to try when every instinct screams at her otherwise. Also, our jog went a bit… longer than either of us expected; we both forgot the initial limit we’d set and just… kept running. Our conversation took so many turns- I actually find myself looking forward to the possibility that someone might incense her enough to pull a passionate rant from her mid gala. It would be glorious to witness and being able to say she’s my date to all the stupefied morons? Priceless._

_Also, my conversation with Yang last night drew on a bit longer and I… was reminded of a few things. I sometimes forget that she plays her cards so close to the vest, to use a phrase, and hides her turmoil behind a mask of support. I suppose effectively raising Ruby on her own had some bearing on the way she always seems to keep her troubles to herself rather than ‘burden’ her friends with such thoughts, but that’s what we’re here for, damnit, and I’ll not stand idly by when something is bothering my friend and potential future sister-in-law._

_After a lot of work, I managed to ferret the issue out of her. It seems she’s a bit intimidated about the gala. While she’s promised to dial back her puns and brash demeanor, she worries she’ll embarrass either myself or Winter, and while her heart’s in the right place, neither of us are worried about such. I tried to assure her of that but I’m quite certain my words fell on deaf ears; I forget, also, that she’s not as confident in herself as many believe. A cocky strut and a large smile can fool many but her vulnerabilities are there, if one looks close enough. On the upside, it provided a perfect opportunity to provide her Winter’s number, if only so she could see for herself that Winter has utmost confidence in her. That seemed to lift her spirits but, as of yet, she hasn’t reached out to Winter._

_I swear, these two will be the death of me._

* * *

_July 9th- Dear Diary,  
I spoke to Pyrrha and it turns out she and Nora have plans the night of the gala to see a movie. The theatre isn’t too far from the museum, so they’ll be in the area and happy to provide their assistance. Well, I’m not so sure about the ‘happy’ part; Nora didn’t seem entirely enthused but Pyrrha managed to talk her into it. Not sure what’s going on with those two but they’ve certainly been hanging around each other more often as of late. Probably a good thing; Pyrrha could use a little of Nora’s effortless ability to relax and just be goofy while Nora could certainly use a lesson or two in conducting herself according to… well, common decency. I swear, half the time, I think she purposefully ignores well established etiquette just to see how many people she can rile up, but she means well. I think._

_At any rate, this secures Yang and Blake a back-up plan in the event things go south. Another round of assurances have occurred in the past day, going every which way- and I mean that literally._

_Winter has talked to me, promised to intervene if Father gets up to his usual tricks, which he no doubt will, and I assured her that I’d rather he do his best to tear us both down rather than just one of us suffer the consequences. I think it helps ease her mind that I’m willing to stand beside her, knowing quite well the hell we’re going to be walking into, but we both broke free of that world. If we must return, it won’t be alone. Funny, to think there was a time I envied her so greatly, I refused to talk to her. I suppose children aren’t the best equipped to handle the figurative minefields we navigated in our youth. It’s nice to think that she’s on my side, firmly; that we have each other’s backs. I think… I think one of these days, I should apologize for holding so much against her without saying a word…_

_Anyway, after ensuring that we were on the same page, we then had to deal with Yang and Blake. I’m not sure which of us had it harder, to be frank. I opted to try again explaining to Blake the sort of environment she’ll be walking into… it brought a considerable amount of shame to my heart to admit how awful these people are, and how I aspired to be exactly like them at one point in my life. Although I never said as much, I think she might’ve picked up on my fears that I’m truly no better, and she… well, did her usual Blake thing and offered for us to show up at the gala and then immediately run away, find a nice ice cream parlour, and settle down for a treat. While I’m not sure if her advocacy for avoiding the whole thing came from jest or seriousness, it made me laugh, because I honestly think it would be a much better way to spend an evening. Ice cream with a dear friend beats sitting in my apartment watching reruns and doing paperwork, anyway, and I do so enjoy her company. Alas, that seemed to be the extent of her concern regarding the events, and she’s steadfast in her courage to handle the whole ordeal with that quiet little smile of hers. I’ve recently begun to think how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends, and Blake comes in very high on that list._

_However, by bringing it up again, it seems I unintentionally gave Blake the idea that I might want to take someone else instead. Preposterous, mind- no one else can read Yang half as well, aside from Ruby, and I’ll not be bringing that miniature tornado anywhere near these morons for fear she’ll either become embarrassed or challenged, neither of which would end well for all parties involved- and it took a fair amount of time to convince her otherwise. Truthfully, I can’t imagine bringing anyone else with me, not only to keep an eye on Winter and Yang but because I don’t think I’d want to have anyone else at my side when the vultures begin to circle. Blake’s seen… well ‘my worst’ is a bit misleading, since I’d like to think I’d grown a bit by the time we met, but certainly not my best. She’s seen the ugly side, the part I’m still trying to weed out from my soul, and knowing that I’m walking back into the garden where it grows wild- again I find myself questioning if this is the right decision to make. But that’s what the back-up plan is for, I must remember that. I’m a Schnee and I plan for every eventuality._

_Anyway, setting aside the myriad of thoughts pinging around my head regarding this ridiculous gala, there’s what little I’ve gleaned about the communications between Yang and Winter, from the four most reliable sources._

_From Winter’s perspective, she’s done everything she can to assure Yang that her presence is not only wanted but welcomed, and that anyone who makes her feel otherwise will be ‘dealt with’- a fine, empty threat at first, but there are times when I see a look come into Winter’s eyes I haven’t seen since her days in the military, and I’m not so sure ‘empty’ is the proper word. Of course she wouldn’t hold it against Yang if she didn’t want to go- really, neither of us could- but welcomed the company, and supposedly she admitted that she’s looking forward to seeing Yang in her dress again. It’s both strange and fascinating to watch how quickly those jagged, rough edges from our childhood and beyond are melted away when Winter talks about Yang. I think ‘smitten’ is putting it lightly; I don’t doubt Winter would fight the whole Atlesian army with one arm behind her back if Yang asked her to, and she’d do it with a smile. It’s actually adorable and I never thought that would be an apt description for my big sister._

_From Yang’s take, I’m beginning to think this attraction goes much deeper for her. Not to say Winter’s interest is purely superficial but it suddenly occurred to me that Yang never really showed much hesitation entering romantic relationships before or flirting with whoever caught her eye. She’s dated before- and run the gambit as far as potential partners go- but the prospect of asking someone out or being asked out always seemed like no big deal. It might happen, it might not, but she didn’t seem to concern herself with the outcome a great deal. Now, though? I swear, it’s like she’s worried the world might end if she makes the wrong move. Suddenly, every little thing she does matters, and it’s stressing her out. On the one hand, I worry for my friend’s health; it can’t be good for her to continue worrying about how things might go. On the other… I’m a bit relieved she’s taking this so seriously. Winter’s rarely, if ever, spoken to me about her romantic leanings, seeing as the intimate nature of the conversation calls for… well, a closer relationship than we’d had for a few years. Now that we’re actually talking about these little details, I can tell how serious she is about pursuing Yang, and knowing that an equal amount of care and consideration is being taken the other way around comforts me. However, Yang’s sudden obtuseness and refusal to believe what’s clear, plain as day in front of her face is vexing to the utmost degree._

_Ruby’s helped shed light on that. Apparently, I’m not in possession of all the facts regarding the sisters’ upbringing. After Ruby’s mother passed and Yang took over Ruby’s care, their father shut down. I’d gleaned as much from their comments regarding their home life but I’d perhaps misjudged the duration; it seems quite clear that their father is still very upset over Yang’s mother leaving him, as if he never truly healed from that loss even after all these years. In the back of their minds, the sisters have always wondered about the relationship between their father and Ruby’s mother- if it was genuine love or merely a terrible coping mechanism- and that has made both of them reluctant to pursue anything serious in the romance department. It might be a fear of turning out like her mother holding Yang back or perhaps even taking after her father and falling into a deep depression if the relationship were to fail. Ruby’s convinced it’s just a phase, that Yang just needs a little more time before she’ll come to the obvious conclusion that, yes, she likes Winter just as much as Winter likes her and they should give dating a chance._

_The final bit of the puzzle is Penny, surprisingly enough. We talked a bit when I drove her over to Ruby’s apartment, and she was very open and honest about how Winter’s been acting when she thinks no one is looking. Penny hasn’t expressed concern, per se, but she’s noted that Winter will sometimes be caught up in her own thoughts, humming the tune to some high tempo song, though she usually frowns when she notices that’s what she’s doing, and often appears contemplative before resuming her humming. When I asked her what sort of songs Winter hums, she informed me rather bluntly that they’re the kind Yang listens to- driving rock ballads with brash vocals. I’m not entirely sure what Winter does and doesn’t tell Penny, so I opted to leave it at a comment on how I didn’t think her musical tastes tended that way. At which point, Penny rather bluntly informed me that Winter had started listening to that sort of music because Yang did, and that probably had something to do with why she would frown from time to time about it; it probably made her think of Yang and miss her, because they don’t spend nearly as much time together as Penny spends with Ruby or I spend with Blake._

_Ultimately, the only logical conclusion I can draw is that I need to engineer more opportunities for Winter and Yang to interact, to help both of them get over themselves. Hopefully, with the gala just two short weeks away, I can provide plenty of excuses for just that. I’m sure they can sort through their respective issues together, in time. Absolutely._

* * *

_July 10th- Dear Diary,  
I’ve orchestrated two more small gatherings. My intent is to have Blake assist me in providing Winter and Yang with plenty of one-on-one time. We’ll see how it goes. Here’s hoping for the best!_

* * *

7 - 12

I. I gotta write this down. Fifty years from now, when I’m old and grey and can’t remember my name, I want to remember THIS NIGHT. Holy shit. Where do I start?

So, Weiss called me up a couple days ago saying she wanted to have a “game night” with Blake, Winter, and me- which, for one, surprising she didn’t invite Ruby, but Rubes is hanging with Penny so I GUESS I understand it, but even so- and I was like, sure, I’m game (I’m hilarious). Well, we get there tonight, and wouldn’t you know it, little Miss Frosty thought it would be a good idea to bust out Remnant: The Game. I INTRODUCED HER to this thing and she thinks she can beat me? AND she doesn’t bother inviting Ruby, the only person to give me hellover the years? Oh, it’s ON.

But it goes way beyond that. Because GUESS WHO starts off the night by mentioning how we’re all tragically at a disadvantage? Winter. Because of course the woman who served time in the military thinks she’d got the chops to play against ME.

So now I’ve already got my list of priority targets and a plan: put Blake between me and Winter, let them duke it out while I eliminate Weiss (safest bet since she always charges into a battle and never reinforces her back line) and then sweep Blake away in time to DESTROY Winter. It’s a matter of pride at this point; I ain’t gonna make it easy for her to use whatever tactical insight she might have over me to her advantage! I’ll go toe-to-toe with her at the end but I’m not about to get knocked down early!

The first few turns go exactly like I expect. Blake picks Menagerie (which, by the way, props to Weiss for getting the expansion, I really wish they’d include Menagerie in the base game) and Weiss goes for Mantle. I’ve got Vale and Winter picks Mistral- and I gotta ask her at some point to tell me some stories from there. She talks about it pretty fondly and soldiers get up to all sorts of mischief I can only dream of; she’s gotta have a few good ones. Anyway, I leave just enough of a weak point that Blake can’t resist cutting me off from Menagerie, but it also puts her squarely between me and Winter, so check THAT box. Meanwhile, I poked Weiss over in Mantle and she’s ready to make me pay. I’ve got enough good cards from my first few hands, so I’m building up my defenses in preparation for my strike.

And then Winter, this beautiful, wonderful, ridiculous woman sees RIGHT THROUGH ME and back doors her way into Vacuo, decimating the NPC defenses to establish a stronghold, completely letting Blake control the trade routes.

So, at this point, I’m impressed! But it takes more than that to beat YANG XIAO LONG at her own game!

The next few turns are pretty standard- except, like, Blake and Weiss started… HARDCORE FLIRTING. I’m not even kidding; I never thought I’d see ONE person I could describe as “thirsty as fuck but classy about it” much less TWO, but here I am, sitting front row to the “Weiss and Blake need to get a room wow” show. Winter didn’t seem to notice but, hey, I got EYES for this sort of stuff, I know when my friends are pining, and I sure AS HELL know when they REALLY want to make the first move but they’re too chicken shit. I decided to let them keep flirting; honestly, as long as they’re preoccupied with each other, they’re not giving me ABSOLUTE HELL which is pretty necessary after a few bad hands and a shit dice roll. Luckily, I’ve adjusted my defenses, so I’m ready if Winter strikes, but I think I’ll have to do the pragmatic thing and take Weiss out first. Between the two of them, Weiss is more likely to help her sis out even in a game, and I can’t fight a war on two fronts and succeed at this stage.

Then comes the moment of truth; I’ve just duked it out with Blake and we’re both weak, weak enough that WeissCOULD over extend and nearly wipe one of us from the board, and it’s an opportunity she’s NEVER passed up before. I’m ready to start cursing when Weiss goes AND ROUTS BLAKE! Like, it was BRUTAL! She ran herself thread bare just trying to reach the furthest spot BUT SHE DID IT. In one turn, Blake’s lost every territory she had, and she’s out of the game. 

But then it’s MY turn, and I hit on the three cards I needed, and Weiss spread herself WAY too thin. I’m in awe at my luck. I proceeded to absolutely STEAMROLL Weiss off the map, eliminating TWO PLAYERS in ONE TURN. Like. I’ve been playing this game FOR YEARS and I’ve never seen that!

So now it’s down to me and Winter. I honestly lost track of where Blake and Weiss went after that turn; they might’ve gone to the living room or something, I don’t know, because I am FOCUSED. Winter’s got a solid hold on Mistral and Vacuo, but I’ve got Menagerie, Mantle, AND Vale. Downside: I’m stretched thin. Not thin enough for me to be worried, but I know I’ll need to commit to a front. Winter’s pretty strong, all things considered, and I can’t bank on my perks to carry the game; I know I’ve only got two turns max before Winter’s gonna to cut through my lines like a hot knife through butter and wreck all my perks AND my supply lines.

And that was when I saw it. A side of Winter I hadn’t seen before. I got to see SOLDIER Winter, OFFICER Winter, the woman who’d held lives in her hands and made the tough calls and had to find a way to sleep at night with them.

Let me just say: I’ve never seen anything hotter. The pure focus, the grim determination, just how serious she was taking it- I might know that this is just a board game but I could see in her eyes that the miniatures on the board represented more than just plastic to her. For all the strength in her posture as she looked down at the game, I could see the cracks. Winter had only attacked the NPCs in Vacuo, which are almost impossible to NOT beat; now she’d be facing off against me, and it would be harder to come out of the fights without casualties.

And- she was RELUCTANT. Beneath the confidence and pride, there was a vulnerability. She didn’t want to lose, yeah, but more than that she didn’t want to lose her troops. Winter…  she CARED. About the little plastic figures, she really did, and when I pointed out as much, she brushed it off, but I could still see it. The way she picked up the dice like they were toxic and how she steeled her nerves.

When she looked at me right then, I was SO FUCKING GLAD I was sitting down because HOLY SHIT my knees went weak. This is a woman with cold fire in her veins, at once not wanting to burn but ready to incinerate, ready to do what she must but also obviously wishing she had another option. 

And suddenly, I GOT IT. Like, it all made sense- how she’d had a rough relationship with Weiss when they were younger, how the military helped her see the error of her ways, her attempts to reconnect with Weiss- everything about Winter clicked into place at that moment. She’s always seen herself as someone who wanted to do something, something more, but couldn’t find a way to accomplish it. So instead, she became devastatingly good at the things she NEVER WANTED TO DO. And now she’s at a point where she CAN go those other routes but SHE DOESN’T KNOW HOW! But she’s tryin anyway, and that- I can’t even think of the words but it just, it gets me? Like, deep in my soul, I just resonate with that so much, with that burning desire to try even when you don’t know, to stumble through, but I at least am willing to fall flat on my face. Winter isn’t, at least not yet, but I think she just needs someone to show her it’s okay to stumble. Someone’s gonna be there to catch you.

So before we really got into it, I pointed out that it was really late and I have work early in the morning- which, for the record, isn’t a lie! I do have the early shift tomorrow! Then I suggested we call it a draw.

I’ve never seen anyone agree with me so quickly. Or look so relieved. I don’t think we should play Remnant: The Game again anytime soon; it’s obviously still too soon for Winter to be really entertaining stuff like that. But, damn, for what I saw tonight?

If I wasn’t already crushing so hard, I’d be worried my poor little heart would give out on me. There’s so many layers to her and every little peek just makes me want to see more! Weiss also invited us to a movie night later in the week; I’m dyin’ already to get to it!

I honestly didn’t think I could get this bad. And we’ve got that fancy party coming up! I wish I could bottle up this feeling and pull it out on rainy days. Nothing’s bringing me down any time soon!

* * *

20170715

_I find myself motivated, putting pen to paper again, though for a much different reason than last time. I hope that looking back on my words might provide me with some sort of insight because, at present, I find myself too entirely possessed of a number of emotions to even begin processing them all._

_Earlier this week, Weiss invited me to a game night, which seemed such a mundane and normal part of civilian life that I admittedly jumped at the opportunity. Little did I know, Yang would also be present, as well as Blake- the latter is a rather interesting character and seemed a touch intimidated when we spoke, though I’m not sure why. I’ll investigate more into that matter at a later point._

_Anyway, throughout the game- a military strategy game; I should’ve expected such from my sister, rather than cards- I found myself consistently losing focus. I shouldn’t have chosen Mistral as a starting point. It made ascribing names to the figurines under my command far too easy, and with Terry’s recent transfer to Vacuo, I set myself up for a rather trying time._

_And I think… no, I’m sure Yang picked up on that. She’s perceptive- and clever, trying to set me up to take out Blake while she focused on Weiss, but that’s another matter- and she called an early end to the game before things got out of hand._

_Now, I’m recently returned from a movie night among the same company and I’m… conflicted. It occurs to me that Yang is friendly, overtly so, and that her actions might just be those of a concerned acquaintance with perhaps a little first hand knowledge of the trials I face. But I find myself_ wanting _to take them as something different, as a prospective partner trying to be supportive. It’s not fair to either of us, perhaps, but I can’t seem to stop myself from doing it._

_I honestly can’t recall much of the movie. I’m sure Weiss meant well, opting for a storyline with action, but the military setting… it reminded me too much of the life I’ve left behind. The fact it was a “historical” representation of one of Atlas’ most famous battles also chaffed me raw; significant license was taken in many regards, and each inconsistency piled upon each other until I was fidgeting more than I was still._

_But Yang noticed and put a hand on my arm, talked quietly so I had something else to focus on during the hard-to-watch scenes. She’s such an open and caring individual; I truly doubt I’ve ever done anything worthy of her presence in my life. Even as just a friend, I am more than grateful for her._

_And I had the opportunity to repay the favor. I suppose I’m the only one she feels confident speaking with regarding her birth mother; she mentioned having a solid lead on a location for her again and a few of the reasons she can’t pursue it immediately. Although Blake seemed to be of a mind that she should leave the past alone, I encouraged her to seek her own closure. I even offered to accompany her._

_I’m not entirely sure she’ll take me up on the offer but I believe I saw Yang’s eyes light up, shine in a manner that I’ve rarely seen. I assured her I would be able to get the time off from work with no trouble and that Penny can always stay with a friend while I’m gone._

_I don’t know what possessed me to say all that, to make the offer in the first place- I’m not sure if I can actually get the time off or if I’d be comfortable leaving Penny alone. She’s improving by leaps and bounds since she met Ruby- and she’s apparently made new friends in a Pyrrha and Nora, who appear to be other friends of Ruby’s, and Weiss seems familiar enough to not be concerned- but I still feel confident I’d stand by the offer were she to take me up on it._

_I’m a woman of meticulous planning. I calculated every step, even when unexpected obstacles appeared. My plans might’ve changed vastly in the past few years but that doesn’t mitigate the work I put into making those plans to begin with._

_So how could I be moved to something so rash as a trip to the border? It would be at least a day’s journey by airship, perhaps warranting an overnight stay, and if Yang had said she was leaving tomorrow morning, I’d be packing a bag rather than writing all this out._

_I fear that my feelings for Yang are getting the better of my judgment. More, I’m quite certain nothing ill will come of it, and for someone who sees the danger in everything, I’m aware enough to realize I may be making a grave mistake._

_But this isn’t nearly as serious as I’m making it out to be, is it? Romantic entanglements, regardless of intensity or brevity, are ultimately a surmountable challenge, a wound that can heal with time if things go awry._

_What I mean is: I think my affections for Yang may go deeper than I initially thought. And even if I’m destined for heartache… I think I’m okay with that._

_I’m obviously not in my right mind. I’ll not be confessing my undying love anytime soon, of course._

_But I will be packing an ‘A’ bag tonight. If Yang wants to go, I will support her, and I’ll be ready to support her if she opts to go alone._

_More and more of my plans are involving Yang. So, too, do they involve Weiss and Penny._

_Is this what it’s like to have a family?_

* * *

July 19, 2017

This is just a post to say that I am  _extremely_  nervous because it’s two days until the party and while Fire and Ice are dancing around each other even more than before, I’m also going with Princess, and she’s been unbearably sweet the last few weeks? I’m not even sure what’s going on anymore???

Even though she absolutely destroyed me in a board game last week. Like, absolutely wrecked me. But she wrecks me every time she smiles at me, so I guess it’s no surprise there!

Anyway, I might be scarce the next few days. Enjoy the queue in the meantime.

* * *

_July 21st- Dear Diary,  
This is perhaps premature, but I’m about to finish my preparations for the gala. I’ve been texting Blake and it seems like she’s battling a last minute bout of nerves; she offered for us to run off to a movie theatre if I’d rather not have ice cream. I suppose that means our movie nights and little watch parties are rather enjoyable for her._

_I hope tonight goes well. I think it’s rather apparent that Yang and Winter are getting closer; they seem to be confiding in each other more. Only a few more nudges and they’ll be together, I’m sure of it!_

_P.S. … it’s too early to tell if this was a massive mistake or the best thing that could’ve happened. I think we all learned a lesson tonight… I also need to treat Blake to a dinner… and do something for Pyrrha and Nora…_

_Personally? I think I’m inclined to count tonight as a win regardless. But I should contact some lawyers just in case._

* * *

7 - 21

LET THE RECORD SHOW.

I FUCKED UP.

I REALLY FUCKED UP.

* * *

20170721

_When I found Penny, I learned what the phrase ‘mother’s intuition’ truly meant._

_When I finally reached out to Weiss, I learned what the phrase ‘unconditional love’ truly meant._

_Today, I learned what the phrase ‘I am living’ meant, because there is no more apt a descriptor for this sensation._

_I’m calling Yang first thing tomorrow morning. I’d hate for her to think I might be cross about the whole debacle. To be frank, I can’t stop smiling, even as I pen this. _I will relish the look on Father’s face until my death bed, and even after.__

_And I need to thank Weiss for making this all possible._

_Right now, I’m going to drink a glass of wine to celebrate._

* * *

July 21, 2017

… I’m going to eventually make a longer post about tonight (yep, the party, just got back, though ‘escaped’ might be the better term) and you know… in my free time, I come up with as much fictional content as my fingers can produce… and if I’d read a description of tonight, I’d leave a comment about how the suspension of disbelief is a very real thing and the events portrayed completely destroyed it… but here I am, having seen with my own eyes… and I have to say…

… truth really is stranger than fiction.

* * *

July 22, 2017

Who wants the dirty details on last night? Check below the cut.

I just have to get this out. I swear, on all the fanfic I’ve ever produced, that what I’m about to describe actually happened. I know none of you are going to be inclined to believe it though. I’m still not sure  _I_  do.

So Princess’ party, the one where I was basically there to help babysit Ice and Fire. It was at this museum- because I guess that’s what the upper echelons of society think is cool, just milling around surrounded by ‘interesting’ things to make up for their emptiness; I might be a little bitter- but we arrived in grand style. Limousine, Princess escorting me while Ice escorted Fire, glasses of champagne and insincere inquiries into our health and such- if I believed for one second any of it was real, I might’ve been charmed. For all the boring small talk, standing beside Princess… I’m forced to admit there was a certain romantic quality to it.

Okay, before I go into the other stuff, allow me to gush first. Princess… I suppose it would be rather accurate to say I adopted the moniker for her at first to mock her. Then, it became something of a joke- a lighthearted tease. But last night, I swear, I am entirely sincere when I say she _looked_  like a Princess. I could wax poetic about this for a while but I’ll try to tone my gay down a little. I dunno what it was but seeing her in such formal attire… the only regret I have is that she wore more makeup than usual. I’m not against a little foundation of course- and I… probably go a little overboard on the eyeliner and eye shadow- but it covered up her scar. Honestly, I think that is the one thing that encouraged me to get to know her, above all else; it hinted at something much deeper than what I took at face value. Aside from that, she just… carried herself differently. Regally, almost. I’ll admit, I prefer when she’s relaxed and casual- as much as she gets, anyway- but… I definitely see the appeal of her more formal posture. And, yes, for all those who asked: we _did_  get to dance and I _didn’t_  fall flat on my face. I mean, we spent most of it talking about Ice and Fire but… I noticed she danced much closer to me than Fire did when she was teaching me. And she felt so comfortable with me, like she was _really_  enjoying it. That part? I couldn’t write something that magical.

Anyway, about an hour in, everyone’s moved past the polite part and the gossip machine is starting up. I think the whole cataclysm of events started with someone making a snide remark to Ice about her somewhat recent adoption of a child she’d found (I’ll admit I don’t have all the details but from what I understand it was an important turning point in Ice’s life that steered her back towards Princess and repairing their relationship as sisters) and that got Fire going. I may complain about her propensity to make puns and lewd jokes, but there’s this other side to it that people don’t really acknowledge much. You have to be  _extremely_  well versed in conversation and language to not only make those sort of jokes but to steer others into creating opportunities for you to do so; the people who best utilize it are also the ones who tend to make more puns and innuendos than any other, because they’re constantly aware of what’s being said and what lies  _beneath_  what’s being said. (A skill I am woefully lacking in, despite what you all might think; I’m certain there’s a sex joke in there that I can quite articulate but Fire certainly could. Without blushing.) With an opening created- and something of a single mother herself, considering her family- Fire  _went off_  in the classiest way, with the sweetest smile and keeping a tight lid on her anger. At first, at least.

And then Princess’ father decided to join the conversation. I’ll have tea with the devil before I subject myself to his company again. Honestly, after meeting him myself, it’s an absolute wonder anyone connected to him could have a scrap of a soul, with as black as his is. I’m just going to refer to him as Douchebag McMustache for the rest of this- I don’t really care about how long that is; the accuracy is more important to me. (And I did say it to his face, so it’s not like I’m being duplicitous.)

After Douchebag McMustache butts in, things start getting tense. Princess and Ice are cold towards him- and I mean below absolute zero. I’ve never seen either of them just… wall themselves off like that. It was terrifying, if I’m honest, because it didn’t sound the least bit like they weren’t used to it. I’m fairly certain that’s how they must’ve been for most of their lives, to everyone. Just… cold, biting, and bitter. Icebergs lingering in the dark, adrift at sea.

By that point, I… well, I was getting mad. Every word, every movement he made, all he did was cut down their accomplishments and make light of their triumphs. And all these mindless, rich, stuck up assholes just chortled right along with him, encouraging him even more to continue dragging them through the mud. I think it was when he pointed out Princess’ scar, how it must be so difficult for her to find a ‘respectable date’ given such a ‘horrific deformity’ that I snapped.

So, I did what any sane person would do in that situation. Douchebag McMustache is the CEO of a large corporation. I proceeded to list off every setback, every public affairs disaster, every little shred of doubt that might make an investor a bit nervous. And then I used his own words about me against him. He’s a racist bastard- that much I’d already known- but he decided to go the standard route of implying I must be of subpar intelligence purely because of the ears on my head. So,  _obviously_ , if someone as  _dumb_  as me can see how terribly the company is being managed, how their profits will be taking a sharp dive soon, how his ability to contain situations is severely lacking, then it’s bound to be known by the public, and then I proceeded to cite every single article and report to back up everything I’d said. I did my research before walking into that lion’s den; it took a few all nighters, but I have more than enough shade to throw on anyone who might’ve tried trading verbal barbs with me. When he accused me of trying to undermine the trust others might have in him, I admitted that I intended nothing of the sort. I just wouldn’t want to have any of  _my_  money tied up with him when those stock prices start falling, is all.

Because  _that’s_  how you get the attention of people like this. Physical harm, emotional scaring, environmental concerns- that doesn’t shake them, but mention how that pocketbook of theirs might suffer?  _Now_  you’ve got them by the balls.

I expected to get a few snide comments, some side looks, and maybe even a threat or two. I was ready for that. I don’t think Princess was- my reaction, at least, if nothing else- but… maybe it’s my optimism talking, but I swear, I think Princess absolutely supported every word that came out of my mouth. You should’ve seen the way she looked at me then; it was more than gratitude it was… almost admiration? Perhaps something softer? The part of me that just wants to tell her that I might be falling in love with her wants to say that it was adoration and pride, but I think that’s reaching a bit too far.

Anyway, the moment it became obvious that the other guests were discreetly checking the articles themselves- and maybe even making arrangements to sell off their stocks- is when things really got out of hand. Douchebag McMustache doesn’t have the same calm, cold, steely resolve as his daughters; he got angry, and he said something absolutely disgusting that I won’t repeat. The basic gist: not only did he grievously insult his daughters, and their mother, but every woman out there, so add ‘misogynist’ to the list of ‘reasons this man is an absolute asshole’.

Now, one thing you must understand about Fire: she’s an _extremely_ intelligent woman. She hides it sometimes beneath jokes and charm, but she’s keen. However, when it comes to almost anything, she’s more prone to acting on instinct and using her strength to her advantage.

So she absolutely walked straight up to Douchebag McMustache and said something to him- it was so low, not even  _I_  could pick it up. Whatever it was, it prompted him to take a swing at her.

And that was when he fucked up.

She decked him. Straight to the face, didn’t hold anything back, absolutely _decked him_. I heard the nose crunch and everything, watched him go flying back.

I’d like to say we stayed there and turned the whole party into a brawl. I’d really like to say that. But Ice immediately reacted, rushed over to Fire and told her to grab me and get the hell out of there. Which we did, because Princess is nothing less than thorough; she’d had an escape plan in place since the beginning. 

After we got picked up and whisked away, Fire… well… I think it hit her pretty hard that she just laid out the father of her crush. Don’t get me wrong! I really didn’t think Ice was upset with her over it last night, told her as much, and she called this morning to confirm as much! But, ya know. I’ve mentioned Fire’s always been concerned about having an anger management problem and things like this make her worried that she’s, I dunno, turning into some red eyed rage monster or something. 

I haven’t talked to Princess yet. I figure she’s going to be _way_  too concerned about Ice and Fire to really

Well, speak of the devil. She’s calling me now. I’ll give all of you an update at some point.

* * *

July 22, 2017

I said I’d give you an update and here it is, fresh off the presses: I am _very_  gay.

That is all. Stay tuned for more of me flailing while trying not to crush on my friend.


End file.
